Let’s Talk Sex After Stoma Surgery

Before my surgery a question definitely on my mind was how having a stoma would impact my relationship; but more specifically my sex life. This is a completely normal feeling to have, before surgery and for some time after you may just not know how to feel – and that’s ok.

Everyone is very different and resuming a normal sex life after surgery will certainly differ from person to person. It is always a good idea to seek medical advice if you have any concerns at all in relation to pain, recovery and when is right for you.

How I felt after surgery

For me; my biggest concern was how I would feel about myself and my body image. I remember trying to research how everyone’s experiences were and reading how long people waited before having sex after surgery. I think the worst bit is before surgery, you genuinely have no idea how YOU are going to feel…

Fortunately, I was feeling confident fairly quickly after my surgery and because the pain that came with Crohn’s disease had eased due to my surgery, this actually gave me more confidence. 

It’s fair to say I’m quite impatient and have a high libido so waiting for 4-6 weeks after surgery was not going to work for me personally. I would say it was around 2 weeks after surgery before gradually introducing sexual activity to our relationship. Communication is absolutely vital in this, speaking with your partner and talking about when you are ready, how you feel but also how they feel about it too. It requires adjustment for everyone. 

Feeling more comfortable 

I think it’s also important to find some humour in your new stoma – it can make funny noises or it can rustle; I remember wearing a bag before my surgery to try and get used to the feel of it and my partner saying it sounded like I had a packet of crisps under the duvet and us laughing about it. 

For my fellow ostomates who like pretty lingerie – a top tip from my experience is to treat yourself to some new sexy underwear; there are so many options out there with high waists or crotchless undies to make you feel great! 

It can be a really emotional time, but remember intimacy comes in lots of other forms which can bring you comfort too. It’s really vital to remember there’s no specific right time, it’s when you and your partner feel comfortable. 

A little reminder again, that your stoma team are there to support you, and they will be able to answer questions you have around this topic or guide you through steps to take. 

Charlotte @char.crohnsftwilson