Body acceptance and learning to love your body

Body acceptance and learning to love your body

In the month of love, the hot topic on socials is always body acceptance and learning to love your body. The term body acceptance is used so much, but shouldn’t be underestimated. Whether it’s Valentine’s Day or not, body acceptance is arguably the most challenging aspect of becoming an ostomate.

It is important to say that we all come to accept our bodies the most we possibly can, in different time scales. Unfortunately some never do. It isn’t to be taken lightly, and when you have had your surgery, there are so many things to get your head around practically that when you do find yourself standing in front of a mirror, your reaction may not be the one you thought you would have. You can be following all the ostomates in the world, have done your research and mentally prepared yourself, but still that first time you see your new body can be quite the shock. Surgery can also be done in an emergency, which for someone who has never heard of a stoma can be incredibly upsetting to wake up to.

For me, I had planned surgery with a few weeks notice at the start of 2020, but had a stoma previously as a baby, until I was 2 years old. At the time I had a 5 year old, who also had a stoma from birth and was caring for him. You could say I couldn’t have been more prepared if I tried, whilst also engaging with fellow ostomates through social media. Despite all this… I was shocked at how I reacted to my own stoma. I didn’t want to look at it, I couldn’t face emptying it. I completely underestimated how I would feel seeing it on my body when I had always supported and championed ostomates, and was looking forward to surgery and a new chance at life. What I take from my own experience is that you can not assume anything.

If you are struggling to accept what the new you looks like, try to focus on what it is doing for you in terms of its functionality. Major bowel surgery, or you may have had even more extensive surgery due to your medical condition, will have been done in the hope of improving your quality of life. What will you be able to do that you couldn’t before? What will be easier? What are the positives that can come from it? Don’t just think of it, write it down whether it be on a post it note or a journal. Keep it somewhere that can act as a reminder. If you are into your positive quotes and memes, create a Pinterest board, or a new photo album on your phone to refer to. There are apps you can use that can display a new positive quote each day on your phone home screen to act as a boost. Here are some recommendations:

Apple – http://tiny.cc/qvcuwz
Android – http://tiny.cc/1wcuwz

When you first have surgery it can be a struggle to find underwear that sits in the right place for you. Some can carry on wearing underwear that sits on your knicker line, but others find comfort and security in high waisted underwear. Waistbands are available to wear daily to conceal your bag, and are available with some health boards on prescription. Be sure to check with your ostomy supplier to see what they can offer. Respond offers a bespoke service where you can be measured and custom belts can be made for you, whether it be for everyday use, or more specific functions such as exercising.

Having the right appliance for you, that doesn’t create issues such as leaking and skin breaking down, can give you a lot of confidence making it that little easier in accepting your new body. If you do have the wrong appliance for you, it can breed resentment of your stoma and get you into a very negative place mentally. If you are getting issues regularly which are getting you down, don’t suffer in silence. Be sure to reach out to your stoma nurse or your ostomy appliance supplier. There are products coming out all the time which can act as a game changer. For example, I had a chat with the lovely Jo many years ago from Respond customer service, about my son’s output being incredibly high. With an ileostomy it didn’t matter what bag we were using, the leaks would keep coming with him losing four litres a day. I was informed of the product Absorb. These little magic capsules act as an absorption tool that you put in your pouch. They completely dissolve and absorb liquid, whilst reducing odour and noise. By solidifying your output from a watery consistency, to a more formed consistency, they remove the risk of watery output channeling from the peristomal site creating a leak.

Finally, surround yourself with people that raise you up and support you. Toxic positivity involves failing to recognise negative emotions, which can be just as damaging. There will be hard days, hard weeks, and we all have days where we don’t want to leave the house and face the world. It is important to feel all your emotions, let them flow through you like water. Feel them, and when ready to do so, let them go. Go out and grab life as much as you can. Go for the meal, go on holiday, bite the bullet and go on that date with the person you have liked for a while. Try as much as you can to not let your stoma stop you from living. Baby steps if you need to, and focus on that feeling of accomplishment when you have done something you couldn’t before your surgery.