Post-pregnancy update

Post-pregnancy update

It has been six weeks since the birth of my son, and to say it’s been dramatic and emotional is an understatement. I am now a mother of two children with a stoma, including one myself which isn’t common, yet for me all I know. Not many people document the recovery stage and the weeks straight after giving birth. It is with good reason when all you know are sleepless nights, and losing control of the life you had when you need to focus on a new life that depends on you for everything.

Pelican Healthcare has always been extremely supportive in giving me a platform to share life experiences with Hirschsprung’s Disease. It is one of the less common reasons for having stoma surgery and I have documented it many times. For me it was difficult connecting with people in the early days of my first born diagnosis so even more so now I feel it is important to share. Hirschsprungs Disease is mostly diagnosed at birth, with more often than not, parents and carer not sharing online. I shared as an adult and from a parenting perspective in the hope of reaching out and connecting with others and hopeful helping people first and foremost. In doing so I have met some incredible people over the years, and still to this day I have taken great comfort and and are so grateful to have these people in my life with whom I never would have met if it wasn’t for social media and having my stoma in the first place.

Having a chronic illness and three stoma surgeries caused significant scar tissue. I never had a choice and had to have a c section because of this. It was lovely to know some ladies in the ostomy community experiencing the same, and being able to check in and validate each other’s worries and concerns, as well as the joys of becoming mums again this time round. For me, another surgery didn’t bother me as I have lost count on how many I have had. What was at the forefront of my mind was knowing that my son would be born with the same condition that caused stoma surgery and that the nightmare would be repeating itself again. It feels like a curse that I have no fix for, and it makes you question so much. The guilt it comes with eats me up inside at times and always will, but I have learnt to accept it and with the support of my incredible partner I try to focus on the positives not the negatives.

For us, our experience has been quite different where we didn’t get to bring our baby home for four weeks due to being in intensive care. We feel like we are in a newborn state as we de-medicalise him and adapt stoma bag changes to the home environment. For our little man it will take some adjustment. All he knew was three hourly around the clock observations and interventions, nurses and doctors changing every twelve hours, over four weeks that fifty six changeovers of people to adjust to instead of only the constant of mum and dad twenty four hours a day. We spent four weeks living between hospital, home, caring for our older child, and rushing to meet surgeons and appointments whilst still doing the school runs. Emotional exhaustion took its toll and a c section scar infection put my own health back.

It doesn’t matter how many people tell you to look after yourself, when your baby is born so poorly it’s fight or flight, and it’s so difficult to prioritise yourself and your health. Post natal depression is a huge risk which thankfully I have escaped so far, which I put down to my loving partner. He is forever making sure I am eating and drinking enough, and checking in emotionally which is so important for us both to have been doing as it’s not only the mum that needs this, but dad too.

The only way to get through such a hard time is as a team, it can make or break couples. I have seen couples over the years break up and divorce through the stress and hardship of having poorly children. I have experienced it myself in a previous life, when you are not connected enough and not supported, it causes anxiety, depression and makes life so so hard. I feel blessed that I am now in a situation where I couldn’t feel more appreciated and supported through good and bad times. It is so important to surround yourself with the best people post pregnancy, even when you don’t want to leave the house or see anyone. The good eggs in your life will let you be and feel the emotions expecting nothing back. They are little for such a short time, and I already feel cheated from the newborn stage, so we will take all the cuddles and sleepless nights while we can!